Transcript

If you have your Bibles please turn with me to Ephesians 6.

Author and speaker Phil Callaway, wrote the following in response to a letter from a frightened soon-to-be dad who asked for advice on how to prepare for fatherhood.

May 31, 1986 was a Saturday. I paced a hospital hallway that day with my wife. At least I think it was my wife.

Whereas Ramona had always been rather sweet and soft-spoken, this woman was more like Attila the Hun in a hospital gown. “Rub my back,” she commanded. I pulled out the tennis ball. “Don’t touch me!” she hollered.

This continued for what seemed like 14 days, until finally I found myself face to face with my firstborn son. Sure, he was a little wrinkly, but who could blame him?

I held him close. I touched his tiny fingers, and counted his toes, all ten of them. I looked into his eyes. They were blue. Like mine.

Then the most amazing thing happened. A revival, I suppose. As I looked into those blue eyes, it was as if I heard these words: “Callaway, for the first 25 years of your life you’ve been a hypocrite. You’ve been close to the church but far from God.

You are holding in your arms the one person you’ll never be able to hide it from. If you think this little guy won’t see it, you’re naive.”

On May 31, 1986, that night, I bowed my head and said, “Dear Lord, I’m sorry. Make me real. I want my precious little boy to hunger and thirst after righteousness.

“If he won’t learn to from me, he has two strikes against him already.” I meant every word. It’s been slow-going sometimes, but I know God heard that prayer.

Five years later this same little boy looked up at me one night and said, “Daddy, I wanna be like you,” and tears came to my eyes.

I don’t have all the child-rearing answers for you. But I do know this: If you want your child to love God, you love God first.

If you want your son to obey, you be obedient to God first. And if you want your life to change for the good, have children. Lots of them.

We do have a humbling responsibility as parents to our children. We are a powerful influence to them. We need to be good and godly examples.

Children are to obey their parents, and as we are a godly example, our children should see an example of obedience in their parents, as the parents are obedient to God and His Word.

The goal for the Christian parent is that as our children learn obedience to us, and as they see obedience to God in our lives, that they will learn to obedient to God and to His will for their lives.

Ephesians 6:1 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.”

Paul spoke of submitting to one another in the Church in 5:21 and then went on to speak of the submission and order that’s necessary in the home, first speaking of the husband/wife relationship. And now he speaks of the children’s responsibility in the home and the submission that is needed by them to their parents.

Paul addresses the children directly: “Children.” The Greek word for “children,” isn’t speaking of young children but rather covers a wide age span and speaks to all sons and daughters still under the roof of their parents.

And Paul’s instruction is that children are to obey and honor their parents. “Obey” has to do with action and “honor” has to do with attitude. The term “obey” means “to hear as under another,” to listen attentively and respond positively to what is heard.

Children are under the authority and words of their parents, and their responsibility is to obey them. And both parents are mentioned, both father and mother. It’s not just the father or just the mother that is to be obeyed, both are to be obeyed.

And the parents have the responsibility to require this obedience. We are to “train” up our children in the way they are to go, Proverbs 22:6 says.

We teach our children about dangers and the difference between right and wrong, but we must also train them to apply what we teach them. This requires work, patience, correction, and discipline, as there must be consequences for disobedience.

Obedience must be taught, required and trained in the child, because it definitely does not come naturally with that old sin nature that is in every person.

What does come naturally to a child is rebellion, manipulation, deception, fits of temper, defiance, selfishness, and stubbornness.

A child’s obedience is actually a spiritual issue. Teaching children to obey is not optional; it is a biblical mandate, it is required of God.

Practically for the parent this means we must devote ourselves to teaching and expecting our children to do what they are told, when they are told.

We have the right as parents to require obedience without challenge, without excuse, without delay, and without huffs, puffs, rolling eyes, or throwing themselves around, but with a respectful attitude.

God calls everyone to live under authority. You and your child are in the same boat. We are both under God’s authority. We have differing roles and responsibilities, but the same Master and Lord.

God is our authority and He has also vested authority in people within the institutions He has established: in the home, church, and in government.

Again, the term “obey” means “to hear as under another.” So this teaches us that our children are under us and our authority. As parents, God has vested authority in us in the home. And we must not be embarrassed to be authorities for our children.

Many today are unsure about the nature and extent of a parents’ authority in the home, and it can lead to being hesitant and insecure in parenting.

But if we are embarrassed, tentative, and not confident about our authority, our children can suffer greatly, they won’t respect us or the guidance we give them, and we won’t be able to properly discharge our duty to God and to our children.

Tedd Tripp tells the following: Our boys were out in the shed working on their go-cart. Our daughter went out to call them for dinner. “You both are to go inside, wash up and get ready for dinner right now!” she commanded authoritatively.

When our daughter had returned to the house alone, my wife inquired, “Are the boys coming in?” “I called them,” she said, with a look that betrayed her attempt to pull a power play on the boys. Why hadn’t the boys come in?

Because it was their sister who had called them and they were not about to obey based on her authority. She returned to the shed with the same message and added two powerful words, “Mother said…” (I remember this myself!)

Our daughter did not have the authority to order the boys into the house. The second time she called the boys, she called them as the agent of their mother and with her authority. They knew it was time to come, and they came in a hurry!

That’s the way it should be! As a parent, we have authority because God calls us to be an authority in our child’s life. We discharge a duty that He has given us.

So we need to act with conviction knowing that God has called us to this important, vital task and has charged us to act on His behalf. He wants us to provide our children with direction under His authority.

We direct our children on God’s behalf for their good, pointing them to Him. We are used by God in the role of authority to direct them in and toward God’s ways.

The purpose for our authority in the lives of your children is not to hold them under our thumb or our power, but to guide them to be God-controlled obedient people living freely under the authority of God.

As a parent, we must exercise authority. We must require obedience of your children because they are called by God to obey and honor us. We must exercise authority, not as a cruel taskmaster, but as one who loves them and wants what’s best for them.

God calls us by His Word and by His example to be authorities who are firm with what is right and good, and who lead through selflessness, kindness and love.

We don’t have to wonder if it is okay for us to be in charge, we are. We definitely don’t need our child’s permission for this. God has given us a duty to perform. We have the right and responsibility to require obedience.

But parents often take the role of adviser or seem afraid of their children.

Few are willing to say today, for instance, “I have prepared oatmeal for your breakfast. It is good, nutritious food and I want you to eat it. If you don’t like it, maybe other mornings we’ll have something you like better.”

Instead what’s happening today is, “What do you want for breakfast? You don’t want the oatmeal I have prepared? I’m sorry I thought you liked oatmeal. That’s okay. Would you like something else? What else can I make for you?”

The child learns through this that he is in charge and is the decision maker. The scenario is repeated in the experience of young children in clothing choices, schedule choices, free-time choices and so on.

By the time the child is 8 or 10, they’re their own boss. But God says that the parents are the boss.

Our right to be in charge is derived from God’s authority. We are God’s agent to help our children understand themselves and their place in this world, and to understand their need for growth and discipline, and most importantly their need for Christ.

The phrase “in the Lord” in v. 1 modifies the word “obey” not “parents,” and refers to pleasing the Lord, obeying in light of His Lordship over you and instruction for your life.

Thus as the child obeys their parents, they are actually obeying the Lord. And as the child does not obey their parents, they do not obey the Lord.

Before God, it is the duty of the child to obey their parents habitually and promptly, and as they do so they are in line with God’s will for their lives.

And obedience is “right” in the Lord’s eyes, v. 1 says. “For this is right” has also been translated “for this is a righteous thing,” it’s the right thing to do before Him, it’s in accordance with God’s standard of right. God declares it correct, just and good.

So it’s “right” to do because God says it is right, and because He desires it and He knows what’s best. And obedience is “right” for the child to do out of love for their parents and all they do for them, it’s “right” to do out of respect for their parent’s knowledge and wisdom and experience of years; and it’s “right” to do because it’s for their spiritual good.

Susanna Wesley the mother of 17 children, two of whom (John and Charles) shook both England and America for God, said this: “The child that never learns to obey his parents in the home will not obey God or man out of the home.”

The child who doesn’t learn to obey their parents, is likely to grow up not wanting to obey any authority. But obedience is just a plain fact of life.

We must obey our employers, the government, church leaders, laws, speed limit signs, stop signs, paying our taxes, etc. So it’s important and better that obedience is learned early and in the loving atmosphere of a home.

What we are to keep in view as we teach our children obedience, is that as they learn to obey us, they’ll be more sensitive to learn of the importance of obeying the Ultimate Authority for their lives: God, and His Word, and that they will do so all their lives through.

If children are not trained up in the Lord and taught obedience, the book of Proverbs says a disobedient child will be: a grief to his mother (10:1; 17:25), a sorrow to his father (17:21,25), a disaster to his father (19:13), a disgrace to his parents (19:26), and a user of his parents (28:24).

For children, disobedience to parents is wrong, it’s disobeying God and not pleasing to Him, and failure to teach and require obedience from our children is wrong, it’s disobeying God and is not pleasing to Him as well.

Psalm 127:4,5 says, “As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them…”

Children here are referred to “as arrows.” It’s important to remember that arrows go where we aim them.

If we aim them toward worldly things, toward things which are not lasting and are temporal, then that is what they will most likely strive to live for.

Instead, God wants us to first direct and guide them to Christ and God’s salvation, that they might trust Christ as their personal Savior. Then by God’s grace, God wants us to aim them toward God and godly things, a godly life, godly service, godly relationships.

God gives children as a reward and gift to us, and once in our hands, it is our responsibility, with God’s help, to aim these arrows, to point them in the right direction,

And arrows are designed to fly. They were never intended to stay in a quiver where arrows are stored and carried. The quiver is just a vehicle that carries them until they are ready for release.

My father always liked to joke that a quiver in biblical times referred to 12 arrows! So happy is the man who has 12 children! That’s a scary thought!

Like it’s been said though: “The man with 12 children is more satisfied in life than the man with 12 million dollars. We know this because the man with 12 million wants more.”

Children were never intended to stay within our quiver, the four walls of our home. Our home is a merely a means to prepare them and mold them and straighten and balance them, until they are ready for life and for release.

Arrows were made to fly, and they were made to pierce a target. So it is with children. Our children were designed by their Creator to make an impact on the world. To live for a reason. To set their minds toward a goal. To accomplish a purpose. To count for something in God’s story and for His glory.

God once said of Abraham, “For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the LORD, to do righteousness and justice…” (Genesis 18:19).

One shooting an arrow influences his arrow the most, not after he’s shot it, but when he holds it in his hand.

So we need to teach our children God’s Word, teach them obedience and godly values and influence them Christ while they are still in our hands in our homes.

Ultimately, of course, our children are responsible as individuals before their heavenly Father for the flight they take and the mark they make.

But as a parent, with God’s strength and wisdom, we are also responsible to prepare them for life by teaching them things such as obedience. So we aim them, and then release them, and let them fly, so they may hit their mark for the glory of God.

John MacArthur said this: “Teaching our children to obey is more than a matter of good parenting advice, it is a bedrock moral principle that is given a place of prominence among the Ten Commandments, and emphasized repeatedly throughout the Bible.

“When you distill it down to the bottom line, here’s what you’re left with: it is the child’s duty to obey, and it is the parent’s mandate to teach obedience.

“Or, to say it another way, God gives to all parents the responsibility to build their children’s moral character by teaching them to obey God and their parents.”

Ephesians 6:2,3 says, “Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.”

What is also right for the child is to “honor thy father and mother.” To honor speaks of an inward attitude of respect.

It speaks of the attitude of mind from which obedience proceeds. The child is to hold the parent in the highest respect and esteem.

While we are not under law, but under grace, and Christ has freed us from the curse and bondage of the law, Paul quotes from the Ten Commandments and makes an application for the Church, the Body of Christ today.

As important as it was for a Jew or one living under the law to honor their parents, it’s just as important for one living under grace in the Church to do the same. God’s desire for children to honor their parents has not changed.

Children are to value and highly regard their parents, through both word and action, showing them love and respect. And obeying your parents while still under their roof honors them, and demonstrates your love and respect.

The world says “Parents obey your children for this will keep them happy and bring peace to the home,” but this is not God’s way.

Our homes will be stronger when the parents are the authority and are honored as such, and the children are trained to obey, and live according to God’s Word.

And honoring our parents isn’t something that should stop. This encompasses providing for them when they need us, spending whatever time and money is necessary to care for them when they’re no longer able to do so for themselves.

Paul says this commandment under the law had a promise attached to it (Ex. 20:12; Deut. 5:16): that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.

“That it may be well with thee” speaks of quality of life and that “thou mayest live long on the earth” speaks of quantity of life.

The original promise, which was made to Israel, read: “That thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee,” speaking of the Promised Land.

In time past, if Israel obeyed the God’s law, they were assured continuance in the Promised Land. Disobedience to the law, meant being cursed, scattered, and driven out of the Land (Deut. 28). This happened with the Assyrian and Babylonian captivities.

God wanted Israel to obey His law & honor their parents, & obey their parents’ training and warnings about right and wrong and heeding the law, so Israel’s days would be prosperous and long in the Promised Land as they listened to their parents’ instruction.

Raising their children according to God’s Word and will, and the children honoring and obeying their parents, would cause Israel to avoid the sin and ungodliness which would cause them to be cursed and cast out of the land.

But here Paul changes the wording, under the inspiration of the Spirit, to “upon the earth.” He substitutes “earth” for “land” and refers to our time on earth as heavenly pilgrims here who are bound for heaven above.

Paul makes a practical application for the Church today from God’s original promise.
And he states that a benefit a child receives today in honoring their parents, and heeding their instructions in life, is prolonged years of life on the earth.

Now we should not regard this promise with superstition, that if you honor your parents you’ll live long, and if you don’t honor them you’ll live a short life.

That’s not what Paul meant. Warren Wiersbe puts it so simply: “Paul was stating a principle: when children obey their parents, they will escape a good deal of sin and danger and thus avoid the things that could threaten or shorten their lives.”

You tell your child about the dangers of speed, you warn them about drugs, you tell them the consequences of an illicit lifestyle, and if they heed these things their lives will be the better for it and they’ll avoid things that could shorten their lives on earth.

Paul shows us that listening to our parents’ warnings which steer us away from harmful things is for our good and affects both the quality and quantity of life.