Transcript

If you have your Bibles please turn with me to Ephesians 6.

A young single preacher took his first part-time church while he was going to seminary. He preached a message one Sunday called, “10 Facts On How To Raise Perfect Children.” A few years later, he got married and they had their first child.

He pulled out the old sermon to preach it again, but decided to retitle it, “10 Suggestions on How to Raise Healthy Children.”

After the second child was born a couple of years later, it was time to preach it again. This time he titled it, “10 Possibilities for Parenting Children.”

Well, the third child came. This time he revised the whole thing and called it “10 Prayers for Parents.”

Several years later when they became teenagers, he burned the message and wrote a new one simply titled, “Help Me Lord Jesus.” Parenting is a real eye opener and a challenge, and we definitely need the Lord’s help.

Parenting is much more than providing food, clothing, shelter, and maybe help with a college tuition. This is just providing care and much too narrow a view. God has called us to a more profound task than being only a care-provider.

We are to shepherd and guide our children on God’s behalf. We are to lead them toward God and His Word and His salvation, so they may trust Christ as Savior.

We are to plant God’s Word in their hearts and minds and build a solid biblical foundation for their life.

We are to cultivate their relationship with God, so they may trust Him, that they might grow closer to Him and find the strength that comes from knowing Him and His Word.

Ephesians 6:4 says, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Paul gives instruction for parenting in v. 4, giving a negative command and then a positive. Paul directs both commands to the head of the family, who is to make sure his family is properly cared for.

First, he says the father should “provoke not your children to wrath.”

The idea behind provoking to anger is in reference to everyday family life and of a repeated pattern, an ongoing treatment.

It’s about habitual actions that over time have a tearing down effect on the child. It’s not a rare event, but a way of living. It’s not referring to a parent who says or does something once or a few times, and the child doesn’t like it.

It’s a repeated provoking so that over time within the child it gradually leads to a built up, deep-seated anger and resentment and wrath, with the child losing heart. The word “provoke” means to exasperate, irritate, or frustrate.

Parenting styles that provoke children include: the “proud” parent who will not admit when they are wrong or ever do anything wrong, whose message to the child is “Do what I say, but not what I do.” In pride, there is a lack of concern or sensitivity toward the child or anyone else. These parents often humiliate the child privately or in public.

Then there’s the “controlling/angry” parent, who are overly authoritarian, who bully their children into behaving a certain way instead of lovingly leading them. It also confuses the child, because they never know what will or won’t set the parent off.

There’s the “guess what the rules are today?” parent. When the rules of the home are enforced only sporadically and inconsistently it can frustrate a child.

The “must be perfect” parent promotes a standard that is impossible to meet. The child might work hard and gets “B’s,” but they’re upset because they want all “A’s” on the report card. Parents like this tend to not be encouraging, because their focus is on the most minor imperfections. And this can cause a child to give up and lose heart.

The “why can’t you be like your brother or sister” parent manipulates a child into better behavior or better grades by comparing them to their siblings (painful).

The “let me live the life I’ve always wanted through you” parent causes the interests and abilities of the child to be pushed aside and secondary to what the parents enjoy and have their hearts set on and dreamed of for themselves in the past.

The “bossy/lazy” parent who seem to view their children only as slaves or workhorses and constantly bark orders: “Do this” or “Do that” or “Bring me this.”

The “omniscient” parent thinks he knows what the child is thinking at all times, and judges motives and assumes the worst. This can exasperate the child when it’s not true. Only God knows motives, and sometimes parents try to play God in knowing motives.

The “preoccupied” parent hardly notices the children, and has too many other things to do than to listen to the child’s little joys and sorrows or to get to know them.

These things along with constant criticism, sarcasm, faultfinding, breaking promises, severity, favoritism, failing to sacrifice for them, all can dishearten a child.

We all have failings and are imperfect in practice and in parenting. To be more like the kind of parent that God wants us to be, we need to continue growing to be like Christ.

And we need to be “filled with the Spirit” as 5:18 says, yielding to Him and His strength, allowing Him and His Word to renew our minds and transform our attitudes and actions.

We need this for the next instruction as well, as instead of provoking children to wrath, God wants us to be providing them with a loving, nurturing, godly home, within an environment that they can grow, and grow to love and serve and know our Savior more.

And to this end, we are to “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The words “bring up” is one Greek word and is the exact same word that’s translated “nourisheth” in 5:29, where the husband nourishes and cares for his wife.

As the husband nourishes the wife, he is to strive to meet and provide for her emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. As we rear our children, we are to strive to do the same. And we are to nourish them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The word “nurture” speaks of the action of the parent, in directing and correcting, of disciplined, systematic, structured training, & providing a godly example.

“Admonition” speaks of the words of the parent, “putting in the mind,” instructing, encouraging, exhorting, advising, reminding, counseling, and warning.

We see here that in the care of the home, the father has the responsibility before God to make sure his children are provided for both physically and spiritually, that they’re trained in God’s Word, according to the ways of the Lord.

The father is to be the spiritual leader of the home.

God would have fathers set the pace, take the lead, to step up and be the point man and provide spiritual leadership for the family. God wants the children learn from their father’s example of what it means to truly love the Lord.

God doesn’t want fathers to give whatever he’s got left to his family. We are to give the best of us to them, the best of our time, the best of our efforts, love, and lives.

The key to the wise and right rearing of children is that it’s to be the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Parenting and training and admonishing our children is not done in our own wisdom and opinions, but according to the teaching of God’s Word, by the guidance of the Lord, and through His power, in His name and for His glory and His praise.

The Lord is to be our children’s Teacher. And we should look to Him for how He’d have us raise them, as we are to mold them, not into our image, but into His.

Deuteronomy 6:4-6 reads, “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart.”

The world accuses Christians of trying to force our values on our children.

The world would have us believe that it’s better that children be allowed to choose their own values and make their own moral judgments. In this way, they say, children can grow up with a spirit of independence and be who they really are.

Well, of course, we disagree. If we fail to teach our children biblical values and principles, we are being disobedient to God and His Word, which says we are to be bringing our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The world is dying to influence them, and if we do not influence them, the world will. If we do not shape their values, others will do it for us. The question is not, “Will my child be influenced? The question is, “Who will be that influence?”

And God’s Word tells us that we are to be the influence and that we are to dedicate ourselves to teaching & training our children according to the truth of the Word.

In the imparting of God’s truth to our children, however, it starts with the parents. Before you diligently teach your children, Moses said, “These words…shall be in your heart.” Moses’ words speak to the heart of the matter: the parent’s heart.

Moses’ instruction to the parent is this “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.” If you want your child to love God, you need to love God first. We need our relationship with the Lord to be first.

Gospel musician Hilding Halverson tells the following story about overhearing a conversation between his son and two other little boys in the backyard one day.

One boy said proudly, “My dad knows the mayor of our town!” The second boy said, “That’s nothing. My dad knows the governor of our state!” Wondering what was coming next, he heard his son say, “That’s nothing. My dad knows God!”

Hilding says he quietly slipped away after hearing this, found a place to be alone dropped his head and prayed earnestly and gratefully, “Lord, I pray that my boy will always be able to say, ‘My dad knows God.’”

God wants His truth in our hearts and minds first, and for our children to know that we love God with all our heart, soul and strength, and that we know Him.

And from that relationship and knowledge and truth and love that is resident in our hearts, God wants us to pass this on to our children.

Deuteronomy 6 charges parents to know and love God and His Word themselves, to live His truth, and from that relationship, to teach your children God’s truth, for their good.

David Mains said this: “I have come to the conclusion that the best way I can improve my children’s spiritual lives is to continually improve my own.”

Deuteronomy 6:7-9 says, “And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

“And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, & they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.”

“Thou shalt teach them” verse 7 says, to the parents. It’s a mistake to think that biblical training is the duty of the Sunday school or a Christian school teacher.

The local church is involved in Christian education, but it is meant to only supplement what is done in the home. Moses saw the home as the principal delivery system for the transmittal of God’s truth from generation to generation.

We must be careful not to shift the primary responsibility for our children’s biblical training onto anyone else. The home, not the church, has been entrusted with the primary responsibility of teaching children the Bible.

In this age of professionalism we tend to hire out things nowadays, and so the thinking can be that if we want our children to be upstanding Christians, we need to hire this responsibility out to a professional. But it’s our responsibility as parents.

Voddie Baucham writes, “Just a few generations ago a man was considered spiritually responsible if he led his family before the throne of God in prayer, read and taught the Scriptures at home, and led family devotions (among other things). Today parents are considered spiritually responsible if they find the church with the best-staffed nursery and the most up-to-date youth ministry.”

The paradigm has shifted away from parental responsibility when it comes to the training of our children in God’s Word.

But parents are the greatest influence of all on their children. And as they teach their children the truth of God’s Word it will have the most profound impact on them spiritually and in them trusting Christ as Savior. God’s truth is most effectively and powerfully learned in the loving environment of a God-fearing home.

The word “teach” here in verse 7 speaks of impressing, continually teaching, or repeating and reviewing. And the word “diligently” means to sharpen. The idea with the words put together is of going over and over and over until a knife is razor sharp.

It’s speaking of a constant repetition in order to leave a lasting mark in the mind and memory and heart. We don’t just throw our faith out as an option for our kids.

We are to continually impress the truth of the Bible upon the minds and hearts of our children. The task of teaching is a never-ending, full-time assignment.

The command to “teach” our children is strong here to continually review and repeat that they might sharpen and impress the truth upon their children, but the manner in which it was to be carried out was like normal, every day life.

The word for “talk” isn’t the Hebrew word for “a formal proclamation” or a “lecture,” but rather just talking. The instruction here is to just talk of spiritual things with our children just like we’d talk about anything else in the home.

Just like talking about last night’s ball game, or shopping, or talking about planning a vacation, or what you’re having for supper.

No big deal, you don’t lecture, you don’t make a big announcement, you don’t get out the pulpit and white board, you just talk about it. The idea is just an easygoing, natural flow of conversation.

God wants spiritual things and His Word to just fit naturally into the regular conversation and lifestyle of the home.

God wants Biblical training to take place during the normal activities of the day.

Teaching and training in the home is to be life-oriented. Parents teach their children the truth of God’s Word and they validate them in the context of daily living. We reveal the Lord and teach His ways to our children in our everyday life.

And we should look for and capitalize on spontaneous, teachable moments. When a Scripture verse is a response to a real-life experience, the verse becomes part of a child. We can ask God for those kinds of teachable, every day moments.

The Lord drew illustrations from life all the time to relate the truth of God’s Word and His love and care for us, using birds, flowers, coins, sheep for these things.

We are to talk about spiritual things verse 7 says “when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”

Whether you’re lounging in your easy chair, or up doing something around the house fixing something, cleaning something, taking a walk to the park, whether at night “when you lie down,” or “when you rise up” in the morning, anytime, whenever, wherever, whatever you’re doing, we are to just talk about God, and make Him real to them.

We are to show our kids that we’re not religious, but that we have a real relationship with God. We don’t preach at them, but we strive to reach them by showing how God relates to everyday life and what He means to us, and our lives.

The command to “bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and…as frontlets between thine eyes. And though shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates” was taken very literally by the Jews.

As a result of verses such as this, Jews then and Jews today put passages of Scripture into little boxes called phylacteries and attach them to their hands and foreheads. And many have verses 4 and 5 on the door posts of their homes.

But the idea is just that God and His Word is to be so central to our family’s life that our kids think about it every time they turn around, at all times in the day.

God wants our homes so full of His Word and acknowledging and remembering Him that our children can’t help but see Him and His working everywhere and hear Him and think of Him wherever they go and whatever they do.

Our “hands” represent our actions, our “foreheads” represent our thoughts and attitudes, our “doorframes” symbolize our homes and the “gates” refer to life outside of our homes, wherever we are and go, whatever we do, whatever we think, we need to put God first and to be ready to talk about Him with our children, anywhere, and at any time.

If we want our children to follow God, we must make God real to them in our everyday experiences. We must teach them to see God in all aspects of life, not just those that church related. The bottom line is to make God real to our kids.

This is authentic Christianity, authentic teaching. God wants us to review and repeat God’s Word with our children, to be authentic and consistent and real with it in order to sharpen them in the truth, and make God’s Word part of their lives.

There was a family in the San Francisco Bay area that grew up with commitment to the Lord. The son’s name was David Kraft. His father was a pastor.

David Kraft grew up with a father who constantly remembered God’s faithfulness in the past and impressed this upon David, so that he might trust in God with all of his tomorrows. David trusted Christ at an early age.

And as he grew, he felt the call of God on his life into pastoral ministry. So he attended and graduated from a seminary in Denver, Colorado.

David was a big, athletic young man. At the age of 32, he was six feet two inches tall and weighed two hundred pounds. He worked with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. But it was at age 32, that he was diagnosed with cancer.

It wracked his body, and, over a period of time, he dropped from two hundred pounds in weight to eighty pounds. When he was about ready to pass from this life into eternity, he asked his father to come into his hospital room.

With a heavy heart, his father stood at his son’s bedside. First he read a passage of Scripture and then kneeled by the bed and prayed with him.

When his father looked up from the prayer, tears were streaming down both their faces, and his son looked him in the eye and said this,

“Thank you for building the kind of character and faith in God into my life than can enable me to face even a moment like this.”

This is why we train our children in the Word, to give them the understanding and strength to face life, even in its challenges and difficult moments, and that they might find that strength and understanding in God.

May we follow God’s instruction to bring our children “up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”