(Growing in God’s Grace by Pastor John Fredricksen is a new believers’ guide to spiritual maturity. The articles that follow are two excerpts from the book. John serves on both the Berean Bible Society and Berean Bible Fellowship Board of Directors.)

MINISTRY-MINDED

In nearly every species, the most preeminent thought in the mind of each new mother is the care of her young. By nature, she will devote her life to feeding, providing, and protecting, even unto death, those to whom she gave life. Mothers instinctively realize their purpose for existing is to serve their offspring. In many cases, a mother thinks of little else. As believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, we inherently know that one of the primary reasons for our existence is to serve the Saviour who died for us. In fact, we should be as devoted, single-minded, and vigilant in serving the Lord, as a mother is to her task.

Saints Were Created for Ministry

God has always used men and women to accomplish His purposes. He could use angels, but instead has chosen to use human servants. In fact, God saved us for the purpose of serving Him. Paul told the saints at Ephesus, “We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, that God hath before ordained that we should walk in them” (2:10). Horses were created to be ridden, cars were created to be driven, and believers were created to serve their Saviour. If I’m saved, this IS my divine reason for being alive and being left on earth after salvation. Therefore, we are urged to “let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: who…made Himself of no reputation, and took upon Him the form of a servant…” (Philippians 2:5-10). Every believer needs to cultivate the attitude and practice of being a servant of the Lord. We need to be ministry-minded.

Saints Can All Have a Ministry

God never intended for only pastors or missionaries to be “in the ministry.” All believers can have a meaningful ministry. As members of the Body of Christ, God has designed us so that we are “fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working of every part…” (Ephesians 4:16). Just as we need every joint of our body to work effectively, or we suffer, so each of us needs to be working for the Lord, or the cause of Christ suffers.

It doesn’t matter if we feel inadequate to minister. A sense of our own insufficiency is actually the first qualification for ministry. We learn from I Peter 5:5 that “God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace to the humble.” Recognizing our weakness puts us in the position of relying on God’s strength, as He provides us with the power needed in ministry. Moreover, God prefers to use regular saints instead of superstars. Paul told the Corinthians, “Ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty…are called, but God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise…that no flesh should glory in His presence” (I Corinthians 1:26-31). Paul continued to press this principle home to these saints in three other passages. Those who properly minister for the Lord realize: “not that we are sufficient of ourselves…but our sufficiency is of God; who also hath made us able ministers…(because) God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work” (II Corinthians 3:5; 9:8; 12:9).

God has always used imperfect people to accomplish His purposes. Abraham lacked courage, Moses thought himself unqualified because he was slow of speech, Gideon lacked faith, Peter was impetuous, Paul had a violent past, and Timothy was full of fear and struggled with physical infirmity. Yet, these and many more were greatly used of the Lord, sometimes in spite of themselves. The greatest ability for ministry is availability wrapped in a constant dependence on the Lord. If you will meet this qualification, God will continually put ministry opportunities in your path. Be ready, looking, and willing.

Saints Should Long for Ministry

Spiritually healthy saints who are growing in Christ realize ministry is God’s priority for their life. We should not merely minister if we have time left over, on occasion; ministry should be at the center of our lives. We should passionately desire ministry for the Lord. It should be regular, deliberate, and scheduled. Paul was making this point to Titus when he wrote, “Christ…gave Himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto Himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. These things speak and rebuke with all authority” (Titus 2:14-15). If Titus was to be a faithful servant, then he would need to “affirm constantly, that they which have believed in God might be careful to maintain works” (3:8).

Your local church and fellow believers in your church need your ministry. For example, we can serve the Lord in cleaning the church, sweeping the walk, providing transportation, accompanying the pastor on visitation, teaching a class, assisting with the children’s program, stocking the kitchen, greeting newcomers, participating in music, preparing the bulletin, recording messages, opening our homes, witnessing, doing follow-up, calling or sending out notes to absentees, working in the nursery, giving announcements, mowing the church yard, being the one who goes for anything needed, working the sound system, ushering, inviting people to church, and much more. Every one of us needs to be available, to let others know we want to minister, and actively look for ways to serve the Lord. God wants us to be “zealous” or “on fire” about serving Him.

Saints Should be Growing in Ministry

It seems to be in our human nature to be lax about serving the Lord. Paul told Timothy to “stir up the gift” God had given him in ministry capability. In other words, he was telling Timothy to “get to work.”

The writer of Hebrews told the Jewish saints, “When for the time when ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not strong meat” (5:12). Like us, these saints should have become grounded in God’s Word, then stretched themselves out of their comfort zone to become teachers themselves. Most believers can and should eventually become teachers, first becoming established in doctrine, then serving in dependence on God.

However, when saints don’t grow or serve, we regress in many ways.

Saints Waste Life Without Ministry

In II Corinthians 6:1, Paul pleaded with the saints saying, “We then…beseech you also that ye receive not the grace of God in vain.” Only a few verses earlier Paul had explained that believers are “not henceforth (to) live unto themselves, but unto Him which died for them, and rose again” (5:15). Yet, when believers choose to live without ministry, therein NOT fulfilling God’s purpose for their lives, there is a real sense in which their lives are a waste of God’s grace. It is absolutely stunning how many times the Apostle Paul wrote to different saints out of concern that his ministry to them, and subsequently their lives, would be lived “in vain,” or emptiness (Galatians 4:11; Philippians 2:16; I Thessalonians 3:5; Romans 13:11-12). The practical point for us is to see that life filled with ministry has meaning, purpose, joy, and fulfillment. We then must mold our lives into becoming ministry-minded.

Saints Will Be Rewarded Based on Ministry

In I Corinthians 3:8-15, the Apostle Paul emphasizes over and over the importance of our working for the Lord. We are told “every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour…(and) if any man’s work abide…he shall receive a reward.” In eternity, when we stand before the Lord Jesus at the Judgment Seat of Christ, every part of our lives that was lived only to ourselves shall be “burned.” What we often think is so important in this life will go up in smoke. Now is the time for every saint to grasp the importance of serving the Lord. Now is the to time embrace the truth that God saved us to serve. If we do, God will richly reward us in eternity. Let’s get busy for the Lord, stay busy for the Lord, and let’s begin with zeal this week.

DEVELOPING DEEP CONVICTION ABOUT TRUTH

A New York family bought a ranch out west where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name. “Well,” said the would-be cattleman, “I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son liked the Flying W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we’re calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y.” “But where are all your cattle?” the friends asked. “None of them survived the branding.” (Taken from: D.A.C. News.)

We are living in times of too much compromise. This is especially true when it comes to the truths of the Bible. The Lord wants an army of Christian men and women who know what they believe from God’s Word, where to document it in Scripture, and an unwillingness to compromise these beliefs. What the world needs to see, and will generally respect, is people who have convictions and are willing to stand by them. May we become Christians with deep convictions about the truths of the Bible.

A Lack of Conviction Leads to Catastrophe

It has often been said that: those who won’t stand for something, will fall for anything. The history of Israel in the Old Testament proves this principle true. As the Lord gave the Jewish nation His instructions, He intended for them to faithfully keep these truths. Tragically, “they would not hearken unto their judges, but they went whoring after other gods, and bowed themselves unto them; they turned quickly out of the way which their fathers walked in, obeying the commandments of the Lord; but they did not so” (Judges 2:17). God’s design was for Israel to be a positive spiritual influence upon the world by holding fast to the Lord and all He told them to do. Instead, they repeatedly put up with error, then embraced it. Eventually they allowed false teaching to lead them completely away from the Lord and into unimaginable degenerate behavior.

The testimony of Jeremiah is a vivid example of what can happen when believers do not have strong convictions about spiritual truths. The Lord told Jeremiah, “Seek…if ye can find a man, if there be any… that seeketh the truth” (5:1). It’s incredible, but it was hard to find even one man with a backbone holding God’s truth. Instead, “The prophets prophesy falsely…and my people love to have it so” (5:31). “The word of the Lord is unto them a reproach; they have no delight in it” (6:10). God told Jeremiah, “Thy children (Israel) have forsaken me, and sworn by them that are no gods (and) burn their sons, and their daughters in the fire” (5:7; 7:31). When conviction about God’s truth was abandoned, it led to the human sacrifice of their own children to false gods. Yes, they who won’t stand for God’s truth, will fall for anything. This was the reason Jeremiah said, “O Lord, are not thine eyes upon the truth?” It needs to be so for us as well.

God Wants Us to Hold Strong Convictions

It is NOT the natural or the easy thing for believers to stand firm with convictions based on God’s Word. But, throughout the Scriptures, God encourages us to settle for nothing less than His truth. Solomon writes, “Buy the truth, and sell it not” (Proverbs 23:23). Paul urges, “Prove all things, hold fast to that which is good…stand fast, and hold the traditions which ye have been taught, whether by word, or our epistle” (I Thessalonians 5:21; II Thessalonians 2:15). Peter warns, “Beloved…beware lest ye also, being lead away with the error of the wicked (one), fall from your own steadfastness” (II Peter 3:17).

Just as Israel did in the Old Testament in Jeremiah’s day, today many of God’s own are falling away from the truths of the Scripture. Some ask questions such as: “Does it really make that much difference?” “Is it really that important?” “Is it the end of the world if we practice spiritual activity that is contrary to the Scripture?” The answer is yes, it does make a difference and it is a big deal if we compromise the truth of God! The Lord deserves nothing less than our obedience to His instructions and He expects us to stand with strong convictions about what He says is true. This is exactly why we have repeated instructions to, “Be steadfast, (and) unmoveable” (I Corinthians 15:58). Paul constantly urged saints everywhere to “stand fast in the Lord, my dearly beloved…(that) I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit” (Philippians 4:1; 1:27). It is God’s will for everyone who has accepted the forgiveness in Christ Jesus to accept the divine call to hold the truths of God’s Word as such a deep conviction that we are unwilling to compromise the essentials of the faith for anyone, for any reason, or at any time.

God Left Us Many Examples of Convictions

Since the terrorist attack of 9-11 in New York City and Washington, D.C., politicians and the media are constantly talking about “heroes.” Without detracting in any way from the efforts or memory of those who died on that day, there are even more important heroes for us to remember.

When Hezekiah ascended to the throne of Judah at the age of twenty-five, “He did that which was right in the sight of the Lord” (II Kings 18:3-4). His father before him had done evil in the sight of the Lord, but Hezekiah “removed the high places (for false worship), and brake the images, and cut down the groves.” He reopened the house of the Lord and sternly charged the priests to sanctify themselves and diligently teach the way of the Lord. He was a hero. When Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were carried away as slaves into a foreign land and commanded to worship false gods, they refused. Even under the threat of certain death in a fiery furnace, they told their captors, “Be it known unto thee, oh king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up” (Daniel 3:18). They said this in the context of telling the king they were willing, if necessary, to die for their convictions. Likewise, Daniel would not discontinue his routine of daily prayer to the Lord, even though it had been outlawed under the penalty of death. He “kneeled upon his knees…and prayed…as he did aforetime.” Standing by his spiritual convictions became such a testimony that the king told Daniel, “Thy God whom thou servest continually, He will deliver thee” (6:16). If we too will demonstrate such strength of biblical conviction and can prove what we believe in God’s Word, it can still have a powerful impact. These men were heroes for God. Of these Old Testament believers, it was said: “God is not ashamed to be called their God” (Hebrews 11:16).

The Apostle Paul was a man of conviction, especially when it came to standing for the truth in God’s Word. When false teachers tried to impose the Mosaic law on his converts, he said, “To whom we gave place…no not for an hour; that the truth of the gospel might continue with you” (Galatians 2:5). Biblical truth was paramount to Paul. Even when Peter came to Antioch and refused to eat with Gentiles, Paul said, “I withstood him to the face, because he was to be blamed” (2:11). It did not matter who it was, or even what it cost the Apostle Paul, he stood by his convictions and absolutely would not compromise the truth of God. This is why he had to “suffer persecution,” was “beaten with rods” three times, “five times received forty stripes save one,” was even stoned and left for dead (Galatians 5:11; II Corinthians 11:24). Paul was a real hero, as are all today who will purpose to become men and women of conviction.

The Apostle Paul warned that the time will come when even Christians will “not endure sound doctrine; but will…turn from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables” (II Timothy 4:2-4). But it does not have be this way with any of us. Be one who stands, with uncompromising conviction, for the truths of grace and be one who stands with a church that likewise stands for the essentials of the faith.

Late in the fall of 1981, my wife and I made a decision that has forever changed our lives. We decided to bring a child into the world. Nine months later God blessed us with a beautiful and healthy baby girl. Since that day our lives have never been the same. No longer could we simply think of ourselves. Now we needed to think ahead to make sure our daughter had food, clothing, adult supervision, and much more. From the day we decided to start a family, we have needed to live in light of that decision. For those of us who have trusted the Lord Jesus Christ as our only hope for eternal life, we should be living every day in light of that decision. We should be living in light of eternity.

In Hebrews 11:23-28 we learn that Moses was a man who lived not merely for the here and now, but for the hereafter. The evidence of this testimony is in the decisions he made. Moses refused the allurement of the world. Verse 24 says, “he…refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter.” At this point in history, Egypt was the leading nation of the world in power, prestige, education, and pleasures. All of this was at the fingertips of Moses. According to the historian Josephus, Moses was even in line for the throne of this advanced civilization. All of these things were more than a mild distraction, they were undoubtedly a powerful temptation pulling Moses away from living the life God wanted for him. We today can certainly understand the pull of the world, because we feel it in our lives too. That’s why Paul warned Timothy “no man that warreth (in working for the Lord) entangleth himself with the affairs of this life: that he may please Him who hath chosen him to be a soldier” (II Tim. 2:4). There is certainly nothing wrong with working hard to provide for our families, in fact it is a noble act. But it is so easy to become distracted with these necessities to the point where we lose sight of what is really most important.

As the story goes, a young banker was driving his BMW in the mountains, during a snow storm. As he rounded a turn the vehicle slid out of control and toward a deep precipice. At the last moment he unbuckled his seatbelt and jumped from the car. Though he escaped with his life, his left arm was caught near the hinge of the door and torn off at the shoulder. A trucker passing nearby witnessed the accident, stopped his rig, and ran back to see if he could be of help. There standing, in a state of shock, was the banker at the edge of the cliff moaning, “Oh my BMW, my BMW.” The trucker pointed to the banker’s shoulder and said “man you’ve got bigger problems than a car.” With that the banker looked at his shoulder, finally realizing he’d lost his arm, and began crying, “Oh my new Rolex, my new Rolex.” The pull of the world can easily steal our affections away, and cause us to live for the wrong things. But believers must live in light of eternity.

Hebrews 11:25 tells us that Moses chose affliction and association with God’s people, instead of “the pleasures of sin for a season.” It was not politically correct or personally advantageous for Moses to choose an enslaved nation living in poverty, over living in luxury with those in power. But this man of God was not looking at the short term. He was looking at what was best in the long run. Like Abraham before him, he considered himself to be a stranger and pilgrim on earth. Instead of earthly riches, he “looked for a city… whose builder and maker is God…an heavenly…city” (Heb. 11:10-16). For this kind of living in light of eternity, he was one of whom it could be written “God is not ashamed to be called their God.”

In 1955 Mr. Akio Morita’s company invented the first portable transistor radio. Because he lacked the funds and connections to adequately market it, he entertained an offer from Bulova to sell his product, and provide him with a handsome profit; but he refused. The catch for him was that his product would be marketed under the Bulova name, instead of his company’s name. Mr. Morita persevered, and his company later invented the first VCR, and portable CD player. The company name, SONY. But this huge success story might never have been written had one man not looked beyond what was easy and immediately gratifying. For the believer in Christ, we may stand ashamed at the judgment seat of Christ if we are so short sighted that we live only for the here and now, instead of the hereafter.

Moses made these first two decisions because he “esteemed the reproaches of Christ greater riches than the treasure of Egypt, for he had respect unto the recompense of reward” (Heb. 11:26). One might truly call this a proper value system. He chose to place more value on eternal reward, than on earthly gain. Which is exactly what every believer needs to do. Romans 8:18 reminds us “the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us,” II Corinthians 4:16-18 urges us to desire an “eternal weight of glory…(and to keep our priorities on the things which) are eternal.” Hebrews 10:34 summarizes it all by reminding us it is possible for us to “have in heaven a better and enduring substance.” The right kind of value system will desire eternal reward more than the fading and fleeting riches of earth. Is this what you value most?

Several hundred years ago a shipload of travelers landed on the northeast coast of America. The first year they established a town, the next a government. The third year the government planned to build a road five miles into the wilderness. The fourth year they tried to impeach the government because they thought it was a waste of money to build such a road. Here was a group of people who had the vision to travel thousands of miles and endure many hardships, but in just a few years had lost the vision to see even five miles into the wilderness. Believer friend, have you traveled many miles since first trusting Christ, even endured many hardships, but at present have lost your vision of eternal reward and how valuable that will be? Is it time to start living once again in light of eternity?

One thing gave Moses the needed stability to consistently live for the Lord. He had a close personal relationship with God. In the context of Hebrews 11:25, which refers to Moses “esteeming the reproaches of CHRIST greater riches,” verse 27 says “he endured, as seeing him who is invisible.” Moses was keenly aware that he lacked the strength and wisdom to face each day alone. So, he regularly communed with the Lord, loved His words enough to record them with great care, exhibited great faith in his Lord, and ran to Him often with his problems. It was this kind of closeness and dependency upon the Lord that enabled Moses to live for the hereafter, instead of just the here and now. One might say, he kept his eyes on the Lord.

On July 4, 1952 a young woman named Florence Chadwick waded into the water off Catalina Island intending to swim the channel to the California coast. Long distance swimming was not new to her: she was the first woman to swim the English Channel in both directions. But on this day the water was numbingly cold and a heavy fog rested over the water. She swam for 15 hours before asking to be taken out of the water by her team that followed her in boats. Her trainer urged her to keep going because she was close, only one mile from shore. But Florence just couldn’t make it. “I’m not excusing myself, but if I could have seen the land I might have made it.” Two months later she did make it, because this time she could see her goal with every stroke. Believers, if we are to achieve the goal of living in light of eternity, and do so over the long haul, then we are going to have to keep our eyes on the Lord Jesus Christ in a living daily relationship.

Abraham, Sarah, Moses, the Apostle Paul, and many other saints of the past were successful in living for the hereafter, and we can too. If this is really what you want for your life, then you will have to make five choices every day. You will have to choose to value eternal reward more than earthly gain. By no means does this mean that you become negligent about work or financial responsibilities. Moses cared for flocks in the desert, and later for the daily needs of an entire nation. The Apostle Paul made tents to provide for his needs. But in both cases working for the Lord, obeying Him, and proclaiming God’s message for the day was most important. It was their priority and passion. Make it yours too. Choose to “set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth” (Col. 3:2). What we embrace emotionally as being important is a choice of our will. We can decide to “love” cars, jewelry, houses, clothes, and the such, but these things will only leave us feeling empty here and in eternity. But we can “prepare our hearts” to love our Saviour, our heavenly home, the prospect of reigning with Christ in eternity, and the incorruptible rewards awaiting us. Think about these things, talk about them, and set your affections upon them.

Choose to be content with what you have. We learn from I Timothy 6:9 “they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.” Many a believer has become so preoccupied with getting ahead, and getting things, that these pursuits have stolen their hearts away from the Lord. The end result is that one often considers himself so busy that there is little time left for the Lord, or His work. God’s advice is “having food and raiment [clothing] let us there with be content” (6:8). But we should choose not to be content to be poor in eternal rewards. Often believers bemoan “I’ll only be a street sweeper or stable cleaner in eternity.” Shame on us if this is so, or if we even think it will be so. We’re told to “redeem the time” and make the most of it. We’re told to “be rich in good works” (I Tim. 6:18). Don’t settle for a selfish life of pleasing yourself now, and end up with little or no rewards in eternity. No one should be content with that.

Last, choose to maintain a close relationship with the Lord everyday. That’s going to mean disciplining yourself to have daily Bible reading, continual prayer, and regular attendance at church. During these times, seek to apply and implement into your daily life the principles of godliness understood rightly divided. It will also mean learning to trust the Lord in times of trial, seeking to honor Him with all that you have, and to maintain a pure conscience before Him. Living in light of eternity simply cannot be done in our own strength. It can only be done as we are “strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might” (Eph. 6:10).

On April 14, 1912, at 10:00 p.m. the Titanic crashed into an iceberg and in four hours sank, carrying hundreds to their death. One woman in a life boat asked if she could go back to her room. She was given only three minutes to do so. She hurried down the corridors, already tilting dangerously, through the gambling room piled ankle deep with money. In her fancy estate room were treasures waiting to be taken, but instead she snatched up three oranges and hurried back to the boat. One hour earlier she would have naturally chosen diamonds over oranges but, in the face of death, values are seen more clearly. If you have trusted in the Lord Jesus Christ, apart from any good works of your own, as your only hope for eternal life, then you are now in the life boat of salvation. Your values should be much clearer than those of the unsaved around you. You should realize that you need to be living every day in light of eternity. If you haven’t recently, then right now is the time to make the choices we’ve just studied about. Will you do so now, before it’s eternally too late?

What should you do when someone you care about has just suffered a tragedy? All of us will eventually have someone close to us who has encountered a severe accident, had a wayward child, or lost a family member in death. Crises in life happen to us all. But what do you say to someone whose heart is grieving and broken? How can you in any way be of help to them when they need you the most?

We don’t always realize it, but our best lessons from the Lord can come out of our worst possible heartaches. The book of Job has some very specific examples of what to do, what to say, and how to help those who hurt. If we can learn these principles and then brand them deep into our minds, we can be well prepared to adequately minister to friends and family alike, at a time when they really need us.

The first two chapters of the book of Job record a series of terrible calamities that fell on this great saint in rapid succession. All of Job’s children were killed when “a great wind” destroyed the house they were in. Invaders plundered his possessions and wealth. His health was stricken by painful boils from head to foot. Then, his wife urged him to abandon his previous close walk with the Lord when she tells him to “curse God, and die.” If ever a man needed the comfort and encouragement of friends, Job surely did.

Fortunately, Job had three friends who cared about him enough to demonstrate their concern for him in this time of abject sorrow. If you read through the record of the entire book, it is easy to see that they surely didn’t do everything right. In fact, there were several things they did that were not only wrong, they were absolutely the worst things they could have done. But, what we want to emphasize is the four things Job’s friends did right, because these are the things we should always put into practice when someone we care about is going through hurtful experiences.

BE THERE

“Now when Job’s three friends heard of all the evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place…for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him” (Job 2:11).

One of the most important and urgent things we need to do when friends are in times of great hardship is to simply be there. This must not be a time when good intentions on our part go unfulfilled or unexpressed. This must not be a time when we avoid our friends because we feel awkward about what to say or do. We simply need to be there by their side, get there fast, and make being there a top priority in our life. Regardless of how busy our lives are, or even whatever troubled waters may have existed between us and our friend, we need to get to the side of our hurting friends quickly. Job’s friends are to be praised for this kindness.

Two brothers had been estranged for 15 years—no phone calls, visits, cards, or inquiries had been exchanged between them for these many years. Then, one day, the teenage son of one of these brothers intentionally took his own life in a tragic car wreck. As soon as the other brother heard about this heartbreak, he immediately jumped in the car to drive the 10 miles to his brother’s home. He didn’t know whether he would be received or asked to leave when he arrived, he only knew he needed to be there. As he stepped out of his car, his grieving brother walked out of his front door and to the edge of his front porch. Then, the heartbroken brother heard these tender words, “I just heard about your son and I want you to know I am so very sorry.” Instantly, tears began to roll down the faces of both these rugged men, and they fell into each others arms. I know because I was there to see it. Years of estrangement melted and the relationship was restored because someone was simply there in a time of need. If you want to help those who hurt, be there!

As we look back to the record of Job 2:11, we learn that his friends were there with him for some time too. “They sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights.” A quick visit to those whose hearts are breaking is most certainly better than nothing, but it is far better to go and be there with them in an unhurried manner. Putting a halt to your schedule in this way demonstrates how highly you regard the one who is hurting and how deeply you desire to be of comfort to them.

When my father lay in the hospital during his last days, our long-time friend Tommy drove over 500 miles by himself to be by the side of our family. He insisted on staying in a nearby hotel so that he would not in any way bring us added duties. But, for days he quietly sat or stood beside the family, whether at the hospital or for brief periods of rest at the house. He could have sent flowers, mailed a card, or even made a few phone calls of inquiry. But he decided to give our family what we needed the most when our hearts were breaking. He chose to simply be there when we needed him most. For this precious gift of kindness, our family will be forever grateful, and hold him in even higher esteem than we did before.

Job told his friends that had come to comfort him that “my kinsfolk have failed, and my familiar friends have forgotten me” (Job 19:14). It wounded him deeply that those who should have stood beside him in his time of need, for whatever reason, had chosen not to. In a very real sense, the test of one’s friendship is measured in the waters of adversity. During times of great hardship, those who are hurting may not be physically, mentally, or emotionally able to take care of the regular duties of life. So this is a perfect time for true friends to help answer the phone, fix meals, care for children, run errands, provide transportation and more. Perhaps most of all, it is important for people to not be alone when going through times of hardship. These are the times when companionship is a great comfort. Job’s friends realized they needed to be there for their friend. We do too.

BE QUIET

For seven days and nights Job’s friends did something amazing.

“None spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great” (Job 2:13).

They came to be there with him and simply be quiet. Sometimes that is the very best thing to do. People who are grieving don’t always want or need to talk. When they are ready, as in the case of Job (Job 3:1), they will open up. When they do, it is best to let them guide the conversation. That way we can learn what is on their heart and how best to minister to them. It is a time for us to be a good listener and very carefully choose our words.

The day after my father passed away, a number of fine people came to the side of our family to comfort us. With all of the best intentions in the world, I was amazed at some of the things people had to say. “He lived longer than I expected him to,” “Your dad really suffered a lot in his last couple of weeks,” and, “Well, we all have to go some time.” We simply refused to take offense because all these folks meant well. But this experience drove home the counsel of Solomon. He wrote, “He that hath knowledge spareth his words…[because] even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding” (Prov. 17:27-28). Solomon continued, there is “a time to keep silence and a time to speak” (Eccl. 3:7). Many times, especially when comforting those who are heavy hearted, it is best to simply be quiet.

In the closing days of my father’s illness when the outcome was obvious, a good friend by the name of Wilbur came to visit. Along with his precious wife, this huge man tentatively approached the bed and sat there quietly for a long time. He didn’t offer empty platitudes or engage me in small talk. There was nothing to say, and he was unable to speak. With his gigantic hands holding my hand and my father’s hand, he began to gently shake as tears trickled down his face. For some time we sat there in silence and just grieved together. But in that silence this man and his wife spoke volumes of love and compassion that no amount of words could have conveyed. Do you know what else? It greatly helped to minister comfort to my heavy heart. I will never forget it. I hope you won’t soon forget it either. When you have a friend whose heart is broken over some kind of tragedy, remember to be there and in your effort to help, be quiet.

BE SYMPATHETIC

Sometimes those who are going through great heartache utter emotional outbursts that are neither rational or in keeping with who they are under normal circumstances. Job said to his friends:

“Oh that I might have my request; and that God would grant me the thing that I long for! Even that it should please God to destroy me” (Job 6:8-9).

When friends are this emotionally distraught, it is not a time to lecture them. Coming down hard on a hurting heart is not only a mistake, it usually leads to the same error that Job’s friends made. They attempted to read his heart, his motives, and ended up accusing him of all kinds of things of which Job was never guilty. This isn’t what Job needed. He needed someone to be sympathetic about his hurt.

In fact, this is what Job explained when he said, “to him that is afflicted pity should be shewed from his friend” (Job 6:14). Job wasn’t looking for counsel or confrontation. Job was looking for comfort in the form of a sympathetic heart. After all, Job had offered the same to others. He asks his friends, “Did not I weep for him that was in trouble?” (Job 30:25). He had been sympathetic toward many who were hurting. It was his testimony that he had delivered the poor, helped the fatherless, encouraged the widow, assisted the blind, escorted the lame, and protected the weak (Job 29:12-17). Now that he was in a time of weakness and sorrow, what he needed from his friends was for them to also be sympathetic toward him. Surely that wasn’t too much to ask or too much for them to give.

Sometimes being sympathetic means being understanding, non-judgmental, and helpful regarding real needs. This was the way Job had appropriately responded to those in need, and it was how he was imploring his friends to act toward him now that he was hurting. But, if we are going to be sympathetic toward those in need, it must also mean something else. Did you notice when Job’s friends first came to comfort him over the loss of his children, possessions and health, that they did NOT put unrealistic expectations on him? They didn’t tell him to “cheer up,” or “look on the bright side,” or even assure him that “God works all things for good.” Instead they simply came to “mourn with him” (Job 2:11), and they allowed him the dignity of an adequate period of time to do so. This may be one of the most compassionate ways to be sympathetic to others.

Several years ago a Christian family lost a 16 year old teenage daughter in a tragic automobile accident. It was, understandably, extremely hard to take as a parent or family member. Because the young lady, like her family, had a testimony of knowing Christ as her Savior, the well meaning pastor of their church insisted on making her funeral a celebration and praise service. As a pallbearer in that service, I can tell you it was awkward, unnatural, and seemed such an injustice to this girl’s loved ones. Yes, this departed saint had “graduated,” as we often say, into eternity. And, yes, it was “far better” for her than this sin-cursed earth. But the Lord made us with the emotions and human attachments that we have. It would have been far better to have allowed this family an appropriate time to grieve without placing such unrealistic expectations on them. So, when you seek to minister to those who hurt, be sympathetic in the kind of demands you place on them, remembering how you would want to be treated if you were in their shoes.

BE EDIFYING

When our friends or loved ones are hurting, we need to be there with them, be quiet, and be sympathetic, or we will end up being what Job described, “miserable comforters are ye all” (Job 16:2). But, there is one more important thing we must not fail to do. Job told his friends:

“I could heap up words against you, and shake my head at you. But, I would strengthen you with my mouth, and the moving of my lips would asswage your grief” (Job 16:4-5).

In other words, he was telling them he needed them to be edifying, or to be building him up. When someone we care about is heavy hearted, our carefully chosen words need to be positive in nature. We should comfort them with kind words or memories about their loved ones. We can compliment those we are speaking to with confirmation of their loyalty to, care for, and love of those they are grieving over. Sometimes it is even appropriate to offer a very limited amount of comfort from the Scriptures. We could remind them of the promise to be reunited with loved ones in glory (I Thes. 4:13-18), assure them of our prayers (as done in Phil. 1:7-11), or softly share our testimony, “I would seek unto God, and unto God would I commit my cause” (Job 5:8).

One of my closer childhood friends, Ronnie, was abruptly killed in a farm accident at the age of only 20. At the time, I was over a thousand miles away and unable to even attend the funeral. But my heart grieved for the family. With great difficulty, I sat down and wrote Ronnie’s family a letter. In it, I complimented them on such a fine son, extolled his honesty and hard work, expressed my deepest sympathy, and assured them I’d be praying for them. Months later, when I saw Ronnie’s parents, his mother thanked me and told me she had really appreciated the letter. A simple act of kindness in a letter where I sought to be edifying to those who hurt had helped, at least a little.

A room service waiter at a Marriott hotel learned that the sister of a guest had just died. The waiter, named Charles, bought a sympathy card, had hotel staff members sign it and gave it to the distraught guest with a piece of hot apple pie. “Mr. Marriott,” the guest later wrote to the president of Marriott hotels, “I’ll never meet you. And I don’t need to meet you. Because I met Charles, I know what you stand for…I want to assure you that as long as I live, I will stay at your hotels. And I will tell my friends to stay at your hotels.” You see, people who are hurting still need people like you and me to help them with simple acts of kindness, done in a tasteful way. Now you know four guidelines to help you go about helping those who hurt.

Conflict is a part of life. It is inevitable that we will face situations that will evoke the hot emotion of anger within us. When this happens, we’re not alone. Everyone experiences anger from time to time. In fact, many individuals in the Bible became angry. Remember when Moses returned from Mt. Siani with the ten commandments written by the finger of God upon tablets of stone? Upon seeing the idolatry and nakedness of Israel, in anger he broke those tablets (Ex. 32:19). Remember when the ark of God was being moved on a cart and Uzzah touched the ark to keep it from falling (II Sam. 6:6)? The Lord immediately struck him dead for touching what was holy, but David became angry with God over Uzzah’s life being taken. Remember the Scriptures often refer to the Lord as being angry (i.e. righteous anger)? Psalm 7:11 tells us, “God is angry with the wicked every day.” Mark 3:5 also refers to the Savior who “looked round about on them (the Pharisees) with anger, being grieved for their hardness of heart.”

With these examples in mind, we should not be surprised when we sense anger in ourselves or see anger in others. In fact, it would be unrealistic not to expect to have some angry interaction even with those who are close to us in life. With family and close friends we have more frequent contact, have higher expectations, and feel more at ease to be frank about everything. Sometimes this familiarity brings conflict, but it’s normal especially in families. Remember when Miriam and Aaron “spake against Moses” (in Num. 12:1) because of his wife and position of leadership? Even families and friends sometimes have conflicts that result in an angry outburst. When this happens, it does not mean we don’t love the one who is the object of our anger, or that we’re not loved when we face the anger of another. It doesn’t even mean that the emotion of anger is wrong in itself. What it does mean, however, is that a problem exists that must be handled in a mature and godly manner. To help us know how to deal with these difficult situations, God has provided principles in His Word to guide us. If we choose to apply these principles, relationships can be preserved, the Lord will be honored, and our lives will be happier. So let’s discover what God has to say about how to deal with anger and choose to follow His counsels.

Choose to be Slow to Anger. No one can make us become angry, we allow ourselves this indulgence. God expects each of us to have “rule over his own spirit” (Prov. 25:28). That means we must not allow ourselves to become easily or often provoked. Young people today would say, “take a chill pill.” God puts it this way: “he that is slow to anger is better than the mighty: and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city” (Prov. 16:32). Anger quite often leads to a loss of control in things we say and do. Unfortunately we can’t take either back, and we can do irreparable damage. So memorize verses like Proverbs 14:29, “he that is slow to wrath is of great understanding, but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.” (See also Eccl. 7:9; James 1:19).

Choose to Avoid Friendships With Angry People. Like it or not, we are influenced by those with whom we spend time. Bad attitudes, being easily offended, and quick tempered responses are things that will easily rub off on us. That’s why God’s counsel is “make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul” (Prov. 22:24). We can save ourselves, our friends, and our families a lot of unnecessary grief by following this simple rule from the Lord.

Choose to Carefully Consider if your Anger is Legitimate. For all of us, the truth is that many times our anger is not warranted. We’re quite capable of being too easily agitated, having wrong perceptions, making mountains out of mole hills, or simply having a wrong attitude. When God’s servant Jonah fled from the task he’d been entrusted with, “then said the Lord, doest thou well to be angry” (Jonah 4:4). Like Jonah, we too can have a wrong perspective in things, and become angry when it is entirely unnecessary. A reasonable and godly response, at the onset of angry emotions, is to think the matter through from both sides, and listen carefully to what others are trying to tell us.

Choose to Delay Actions and Words Until in Control. One of the worst things to do when we’re upset is to react immediately. Delaying any response, even for a few moments, gives us an opportunity to pray about what to say, and how to handle our situation correctly. As believers, we need to strive for godliness even in stressful situations. If we’re not in control of ourselves or able to allow God to control what and how much we say—then we’re not ready to proceed. When the time is right our words should be limited and chosen very carefully. Our standard must be that of Proverbs 29:11, “a fool uttereth all his mind, but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.”

Choose to Avoid Sinful Responses. In Christ, we have both the capability, and the responsibility to avoid sinful responses. The Lord tells us when we are angry to “sin not,” (Eph. 4:26a). During times of heightened emotions we’re more vulnerable to sin and excess. Threats, shouting, violence, hurtful words, and attempts to get even are natural responses to anger. But believers have a higher calling and must choose to do right. Therefore, Psalm 37:8 urges us to “cease from anger and forsake wrath, fret not thyself in any way to do evil.” Even when we’ve been wronged, we must do what is right.

Choose Confrontation When Warranted. We’re going to be pretty hard to live with if we travel this road too often. But sometimes it’s really necessary. When the Corinthians were guilty of flagrant sin, Paul wrote them a strong letter confronting them with their wrongs. But notice he did so out of “anguish of heart” (II Cor. 2:4). He certainly did not relish the task. Moreover, his goal was not merely to give them a piece of his mind. In every line you can see that his goal was RESTORATION, with both his words and tone enhancing that goal. When it is necessary, and when done correctly, let’s remember two standards to follow: “if a man be overtaken in a fault…restore such an one in a spirit of meekness” (Gal. 6:1), and whenever possible, “debate thy cause with thy neighbor himself, and discover not a secret to another” (Prov. 25:9).

Choose to Respond Softly to Anger. This does not mean that you allow others to walk over you or that you give the appearance of being wrong. It simply means that you are choosing to deal with your anger, or the anger of another, in a Christlike way. Moreover, the approach of a bull in a china closet will only aggravate everyone, and makes any constructive resolution more difficult. But calm words with a calm approach will set the stage for meaningful dialogue, therefore, we must remember, “a soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stirreth up strife” (Prov. 15:1).

Choose to Pass Over an Offence when Possible. We always have this option, and it should be exercised more often than any other. Doing so demonstrates maturity, love, spiritual growth, and balance. An unwillingness or inability to allow love to “cover the multitude of sins” (I Pet. 4:8), or annoyances we find in others, reveals that many times the real problem is with ourself, more than anyone else. Proverbs 19:11 explains “the discretion of a man deferreth his anger: and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.” Making this decision does not mean we deny being hurt, or agree with a wrong. It means we are choosing to be guided by love, that we’re allowing God to right any wrong, and trusting God to enable us to forgive without holding a grudge. When possible, this is a liberating decision that leads to our own spiritual growth, not to mention greater harmony with others.

The subject of dealing with anger is complicated enough that other pertinent things could also be included. Some might suggest making a commitment to always ask for forgiveness once realizing we were wrong. Others believe some kind of an accountability system to family or a mature Christian, helps. In unresolved instances of anger, biblical precedence exists for appealing to members of the local church in an attempt to find a better resolution. Each of the above suggestions can serve as a deterrent to anger, and an incentive to strive for restoration.

If God has spoken to your heart about the problem of anger and the excesses that accompany it, then praise His holy name! You have just taken the first step toward victory. Now, despite any failures in the past, don’t give up; look up to God in prayer, asking Him to help you find freedom from anger by implementing the biblical principles we’ve just studied. He’s waiting for your cry, and when you come to Him with a sincere heart He “is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us” (Eph. 3:20).