Transcript

If you have your Bibles please turn with me to Genesis 2.

A young couple grew apprehensive as their wedding day approached. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The groom-to-be decided to ask his father for advice. “Dad,” he said, “I’m concerned about the success of my marriage. I love my fiancée very much, but I have smelly feet. I’m afraid that my future wife will find them, and me, disgusting.”

The dad said, “No problem. All you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible and always wear socks, even to bed.” The young man thought this sounded like a workable solution. Likewise the bride-to-be decided to take her own problem to her mother.

“Mom,” she said, “when I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful! I’m afraid that my future husband will find me revolting in the mornings.”

Her mother advised her, “In the morning, get straight out of bed, head for the bathroom, and brush your teeth. Don’t say a word until you’ve brushed them—not a word.” The bride-to-be thought the suggestion was certainly worth a try.

The loving couple was finally married in a beautiful ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received—he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence—they managed quite well.

About six months later, shortly before dawn, the husband woke up horrified to discover that one of his socks had come off during the night. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically started searching the bed.

This, of course, woke his bride. Without thinking, she blurted out, “What on earth are you doing?” And he gasped and recoiled in shock and said, “Oh no! You’ve swallowed my sock!” I think every couple has insecurities when they are getting married.

Although things like bad breath and smelly feet won’t make or break a marriage, but whether we carry out our marriages according to God’s plan is what is most important and is what should concern us most.

According to God’s Word, marriage is a gift from God, a gift of relationship that God intended for companionship, closeness, oneness, and growth.

God is deeply concerned about our marriages and desires to be at the center of them. Since marriage is an institution of God, we are to look to Him for how it should properly work. In the Genesis 2 we have what some call “A primary reference point.”

This is the first place where marriage is mentioned in God’s Word and we must learn what is said here first to properly understand marriage and to see the foundational instruction and principles that God wants us to build our marriages by.

Marriage is not an invention of man. It is God’s creation. It is His institution. It came from the heart and mind of God. So we are wise to read His instruction manual and find out what God has to say about His creation and His institution of marriage.

Genesis 2:18 reads, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

At the close of the sixth day of Creation, God surveyed all that He had made and pronounced it “very good” in 1:31. But God says here that there was something in His wonderful work that was “not good”: the man is alone.

Now Adam had fellowship with God, he lived within the beauty of the Garden of Eden and could eat of its fruits, he had daily work in caring for the garden, he could enjoy the animal kingdom and rule over it.

But God knew that Adam had a deep need for companionship and relationship, and He says “I will make him an help meet [or suitable] for him.”

God knew man needed one who would be a perfect, suitable complement to him, one who would complete him, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

The original Hebrew word for “help” in no way means that the “helper” is underneath the one being helped. There are no hierarchical connotations.

God doesn’t say, “I’ll make a servant for him,” or “I’ll make a provider for him,” or only “I’ll make a mother for his children.”

He said, “I will make a helper for him.” Dr. Ed Wheat points out that this term ‘help’ refers to” a beneficial relationship where one person aids or supports another.”

So that we would not have to face life alone, so that when life is too difficult for one to handle, a helper is there. God created a helping relationship between Adam and Eve in the marriage relationship and for all who would follow in their footsteps.

So through the day-to-day routine and grind of life, or when something happens we hadn’t counted on, life is turned upside down, and we go through adversity and changes, we have a helper and a support there to help bear the burdens and struggles of life together.

An elderly man lay in a hospital bed with his wife of fifty-five years sitting at his bedside. “Is that you, Ethel, at my side again?” he whispered.

“Yes, dear,” she answered. He softly said to her, “Remember years ago when I was in the Veteran’s Hospital? You were with me then. You were with me when we lost everything in a fire. And Ethel, when we were poor, you stuck with me then too.” The man sighed and said, “I tell you, Ethel, you’re bad luck.”

Marriage is about two people helping and sticking by each other to make it through thick and thin, and through the tough times and stresses of life.

It’s about having someone there for companionship, someone to be there for, and someone to be there for you.

God created us with a need for a companion, a “helper.” We were made for relationship, and that is part of God’s original design. Marriage is a pre-fall institution.

Man didn’t fall until Genesis 3. So mankind’s need for relationship isn’t a result of the fall. It’s not sinful or wrong or a weakness.

It is built into humanity by God’s creative design. And God created the marriage relationship so that that need for relationship, companionship and support would be met in your marriage first and foremost and primarily.

The basic obligation in marriage is to meet the other’s need for companionship and love. When a couple takes marriage vows, they vow to provide companionship and love for the other for the rest of their lives.

They do not vow to receive companionship, but to provide it for the other. Marriage is an act of love in which one person vows to meet another’s needs and be a “help” for life, unconditionally, no strings attached.

And this being so, the vows before God are about loving, comforting, honoring, keeping, forsaking all others, and being a loving & faithful spouse, sharing their life with the other, in sickness and health, in good times and bad, as long as they both shall live.

Genesis 2:19,20: “And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

“And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.”

Having said all this about man’s need for companionship and a helper, we might expect the next verse to say something like, “So God created Eve.” But instead of making him a suitable help, God puts Adam to work on a big zoology term project.

In verses 19-20, we see that Adam is told to give names to all the animals. The animals were created before man on the fifth and sixth days (1:20-25). Giving names was an act of leadership and authority and dominion over the animal kingdom.

With God as Creator, this was His right, but He delegated this privilege to man. And naming the animals was part of Adam’s premarital counseling session.

As he gives each one a name, God is preparing him for marriage. The power to name is the power of authority. So God first is teaching Adam to be a leader for his home.

But God was primarily training him to realize a need in his heart. When God paraded the animals before Adam for him to name them, they doubtless came in pairs, each with its mate.

So as Adam surveyed all the animals he saw Mr. Giraffe and Mrs. Giraffe, Mr. Llama and Mrs. Llama, Mr. Hippo and Mrs. Hippo. Everyone had a partner, but where was his? “Why don’t I have someone with me and for me?” Adam wondered.

And so God allowed Adam to realize that something was missing in his life. And God was creating within Adam a gnawing desire and longing for a life mate, a hunger God would meet in the creation of Eve.

At the end of verse 20 it says: “…but for Adam there was not found an help meet [or suitable, fit] for him.”

Adam discovers for himself in verse 20 what God already knew in verse 18. But God teaches Adam this through naming the animals.

He is living in paradise where he has everything his heart could want. But Adam discovered a very important fact: Everything else is a poor substitute for human companionship. He was helping Adam to prioritize what was most important in life.

For Adam, even the perfections of the Garden of Eden, the joy of working there, the animals, even the blessing of God’s presence could not resolve his loneliness.

God knew man needed a companion, an equal, one who would complete him, and He made sure that man knew this as well for himself, and knew it for his whole life.

Genesis 2:21,22: “And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” Man’s last restful sleep!

The creation of woman became a testimonial. Creation was incomplete without her, and man was incomplete without her, but now both were complete because of her. The Apostle Paul wrote that “the woman is the glory of man” (I Cor. 11:7).

God created woman for overcoming the man’s loneliness and gave her to man as a gift. In the marriage relationship, she should viewed that way, as a priceless gift from God.

Through her, the creation of man was now complete; the woman complements the man. Man and woman coming together in marriage is God’s ideal of completeness.

Instead of being made out of material in the earth, woman was created with material from the man. George Herbert says, “The man was dust refined, but the woman was dust doubly refined.”

And her refinement is seen in her appearance, behavior and way of thinking. The Creator made another person, like Adam, yet unlike him. Men and women were created differently and are different in many, many respects.

It’s been rightly said that “The fact is, men and women are different physically, motivationally, emotionally, and temperamentally.

“Anyone who has had exposure to babies and children can tell you that boys and girls respond differently to the world right from the start.

“Give both a doll and the girl will cuddle it, while the boy will more likely use it as a projectile. Give them two dolls and the girl will have the dolls talking to each other, while the boy will have them engaged in combat.”

It’s been said that “It’s easy to get married. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the problems.” Often the differences between men and women causes problems.

But the differences and different needs between men and women should be noted and acknowledged and learned to be accepted within the marriage relationship.

Notice also that, in view of her being a helper to the man, the woman was taken and created from man’s rib or his side.

Matthew Henry said this: “The woman was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.”

And being taken from his side speaks to how she is to be by his side throughout life. She was made from him and for him, and he needs her, and in marriage they belong to each other and are to be always at each other’s side in life.

Verse 22 also tells us that God “brought her to the man.” We’ve certainly all attended wedding ceremonies, and observed proud fathers escorting their daughters down the aisle. That is what happened in the Garden as God brought Eve to Adam.

And so in the wedding ceremony the father bringing the bride to the groom is a picture of the original marriage, when God willingly brought the woman to Adam.

Genesis 2:23 says, “And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

Adam’s reaction is priceless here. When Adam saw his bride, he bursts into praise. The verse has been called the world’s first love song.

When Adam wakes up from his sleep and first sees the woman, he says, “This is now” which means something like, “This is it!”

He now sees and knows he is not alone. Adam had found the one to complete him. And he’s tremendously excited here and astonished.

It reminds you of the enthusiasm of those who are engaged and excited to be getting married. This is a special thing and something to be encouraged.

Marriage is a gift from God and should be exciting for those to embark in it. The world has created a cynical and critical outlook on marriage and this is also as a result of Satan’s attacks on this institution of God.

But in God’s original design for marriage, He has designed marriage for our joy and fulfillment and not misery. His purpose in this has never changed.

Adam’s poem focuses on naming his newly found companion. Her identity as “woman” reminds everybody that she was taken out of “man,” and the term “man” would always be a part of “woman.” The man (Heb. ish) names her woman (Heb. isha) because she had her source in him.

Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

The pastor of a big city church ran an ad for a caretaker-housekeeper. The next day, a well-dressed young man appeared at the pastor’s door. But before he could say more than, “Hello, I came to see about…,” the pastor began questioning him.

“Can you sweep, make beds, shovel walks, run errands, fix meals, balance a checkbook, and baby-sit?” the churchman asked.

“Whoa,” the young man said, “I only came to see about getting married, but if it’s that much work, I’m not sure I’m interested.”

Marriage does take work. And it’s not just the daily responsibilities of caring for a home that takes work, but also the leaving, cleaving and oneness and growth that God desires is all to be worked at, nurtured and protected.

Adam didn’t speak the words recorded in v. 24. They are God’s words and reflection on the event. And God tells us that there is something we need to let go of and there is something we need to hold onto for us to have strong marriages.

God makes it crystal clear that if we want to be united to our spouse, we must first leave our parents behind! It is obvious that God meant this for all generations to come, because Adam and Eve, who God gave this instruction to, did not even have parents, they were the first parents!

But a married couple must leave their parents. They must let go of them and the parents must let go of the married couple. They are no longer under their authority.

God is talking more than just about geography, or just moving out of the house. Leaving means to break our dependence on our parents, and for the husband and wife to now depend on one another within the marriage relationship.

The moment we get married, our relationship with our parents is to change. We can live next door to our parents and still be independent. Or, we can live thousands of miles away and still be too dependent upon them.

Some cannot make a family decision without first calling up our parents. But our spouse should not have to compete with our parents.

Larry Cunningham tells how he was once visiting friends when they received a telephone call from their recently married daughter. After several tense minutes on the phone, the mother handed the phone to the father.

The newlyweds had had their first big fight. In a few moments, the father rejoined us and explained, “Said she wanted to come home.” “What did you tell her?” I asked. “I told her she was home.” That’s how God sees it too.

The principle of leaving is this: Nothing, absolutely nothing on earth, is to take precedence over your relationship with your spouse. Other than our relationship with God, the marriage relationship is the primary one for the rest of our lives.

The bonds of love with parents are lasting ones throughout life. And the responsibility to honor and care for one’s parents does not end with leaving and the union of husband and wife. Leaving does not mean to completely abandon them.

And it’s also wise to continue to seek their advice and counsel in life from their experience. But marriage does represent the inauguration of a new and primary responsibility.

God’s Word is clear that God sees the married couple as a separate family who is accountable to Him. And former ties must change in character so that the man’s full commitment is now to his wife. And the wife’s full commitment is now to her husband.

Giving your full commitment to each other as husband and wife means giving everything else a lesser priority: your business, career, house, hobbies, talents, interests.

The closest relationship outside marriage is specified here, implying that if it is necessary to leave your father and mother, then all lesser ties and relationships must also be broken, changed, or left completely behind.

We need to willingly “leave” our parents and everything else and put our marriages first, to develop the oneness God intended for our marriages.

The husband and wife are to leave their parents and to “cleave” to each other. “Cleave” carries the sense of a permanent union thru a wholehearted commitment.

The Hebrew word for “cleave” is “dabaq.” Here are some definitions of DABAQ: “To cling to, or adhere to, abide fast, be joined together, keep fast, stick to”.

The word also carries the idea of being cemented together, to stick like glue, or to be welded together so that the two cannot be separated without damage to both.

And verse 24 says “and they shall be one flesh.” The marital union is complete and one and whole with two people, 1+1 truly does=1, in marriage (Matt. 19:6).

God’s original design for marriage was that one man and one woman be one flesh for one lifetime. Two becoming one flesh is much more than just sharing the same address and the same food. It is two people giving themselves to one another so that their lives are woven together into one.

It speaks of togetherness, of doing things together, sharing everything, it’s closeness and growth toward each other, knowing each other more and more in life. A loving relationship of oneness is God’s objective for marriage.

Richard Foster says this, “Attention to our marriage is an act of obedience to God. It is one concrete way we can put…God first in our lives. We are serving Christ when we are investing time and energy in the marriage relationship.”